I'm finding this process really difficult to hold without anxiety and negativity - so far really the only visitors have been young(ish) teenagers 13 -15 age range - they've hung out in the Taxi listening to the CDs and suggesting rather silly things for its transformation, scrawling rude words or just writing "I like it" or "it should stay" but not really going any further on why or how or what for .... but they keep coming back ... they're awkward, feral, incoherent - hovering close to childhood but determined that they are no longer children and trying to prove it by swearing, smoking, saying shocking things, trying it all on for size ....

I found myself thinking the other day that this process is a waste of time, that noone's interested .... efffectively dismissing and not listening to what these people ARE "saying" in their own way ... they are in a transition, between places, so is the Taxi - its become a place in which they feel comfortable to be ...

received this email:

Dear Taxi Gallery,
you should definitely stay. Cambridge needs much more visual culture. I'm
a local and the Taxi Gallery brightens up my life.
However I cycled passed it everyday for five/six years and didn't
understand what it was. I'm a designer, and former fine art student, but
even I wasn't hooked in. As I passed by, from the road, I assumed it was a
taxi enthusiast's house; that somewhere in the house was a room with taxi
memorabilia. Making that assumption I never went in - I assumed it would
be quite amateur. Perhaps you should present your gallery, with better
signage, as clearly being a gallery? Forget the finer arguments about art
theory - be more practical about how passers-by would perceive you.
Extending that point it wasn't until I saw your flyer in Barnwell Road
library, clearly an arty flyer, that I twigged what was going on. Then I
visited your excellent website to be delighted with all your work. So if
it is to continue perhaps you could think more of publicity in the
community?
Whatever you decide - all the best.
Appreciatively,
D

and my reply:

thank you very much for taking the time to respond to my questions and your supportive comments - I really really appreciate it
your comments are useful and intriguing .... because there is a BIG sign that clearly says Taxi Gallery and has had information on each exhibition - obviously it hasn't been clear ENOUGH since it didn't catch your eye! I've also tried to be sensitive to the impact upon my immediate neighbours so have had to balance creating a noticeable presence without becoming a nuisance to them ... publicity is a big job and can also get expensive so I've tried to do as much as I can/afford - the Cambridge Evening News have covered quite a few exhibitions and I've delivered leaflets to all of my immediate neighbours and then I have relied on people getting curious as they pass by - (your comments make me realise that maybe I've not done as much as I could have to encourage that ...) but I've also gathered quite an extensive list of email addresses of people interested and have mailed info on each exhibition to them ... would you be happy for me to add your email to my list of contacts ...?
Taxi Gallery was always an experiment - firstly to see how artists would respond to the idea of a Taxi as a space for artwork and secondly on how the local neighbourhood audience would or would not engage with its presence - I've been delighted by the range of work that it has inspired and also pleased by the slightly bemused but generally warm and curious response from local people - the fact that the Taxi has been respected and never vandalised, graffitied or broken into is also an indication that its has been treasured by all ages!
the reality now is, I think, that the Taxi as a gallery space could become repetitive and predictable were it to continue much longer in the way that it has and eventually my energy and resources are going to run out - what's interesting to me is that it seems the Taxi has become a loved and familiar landmark in the area and the response I'm getting is very clearly that people want it to stay - so the current exhibition is asking for ideas on how it could continue but in a different way ... perhaps as a permanent landmark ... one suggestion has been to plant a tree through the middle of it as a symbol of renewal .. or making a practical contribution to the life of the community ..... someone yesterday suggested making it into a tuck shop !!
do drop by sometime when you're passing - it would be great to talk further with you
and thanks again for your interest
take care

Met up with Lisa today for coffee, Lisa took part in the art workshops last autumn and has since had her first child, adorable little boy - William. She's been getting involved in all the groups and networks for supporting young Mums in the area and is also part of a new initiative to set up a Time Bank in the area (http://www.timebank.org.uk/) she asked me to join and help with artwork for their publicity leaflet which I am doing but we also talked about whether the Taxi itself might be a useful link point for such a venture. I'm going to a meeting with the others involved on Monday. We both felt excited by the coincidence of this new burgeoning neighbourhood initiative with the Taxi offering itself as a "space"/"resource" for the community.

Rachel Gomme has approached me regarding a performance project she is touring to various venues - AUDIENCE - she describes it in this way ...

AUDIENCE
A one-to-one performance and CD project exploring silence as presence, engaged interaction and exchangeable commodity. The piece is inspired by a short story by Heinrich Böll, and is based on the idea of building up a collection of individual recorded silences.
The performance
The performance takes place in a small, simply furnished room, where the performer waits. Viewers are invited to make appointments for a 10-minute 'interview' with the performer. Before entering the room, an assistant outside briefs them on the nature of the interview, which will consist of spending the 10 minutes in silence with the performer, so that their silence can be recorded. They will be asked to sign a contract agreeing to their silence being recorded for the performer's collection of silences and stating whether they wish to contribute it to a publicly available collection.
The viewer then enters the room, which is furnished for an 'interview', with a table and chairs. A minidisk recorder and microphone sit on the table. The viewer is invited to sit down, and the interview begins as the performer switches on the recorder. The two sit in silence: the performer does not initiate any non-verbal communication, but remains engaged as 'listener' and receptive to the viewer's silence. The viewer is not required to suppress involuntary sounds of breathing, coughing etc., and may terminate the interview at any point by raising their hand. After10 minutes the recorder is switched off and the viewer leaves.
All the silences will then be recorded onto a CD of collected silences, with full contributor credits for each track. Viewers willing to contribute to the public collection will receive a copy of the CD. If viewers do not wish their silences to be made public, they remain part of the performer's private collection, and they receive a CD with a recording of their own silence. The public collection will be available for sale.
Background
The piece builds on my ongoing investigation of stillness as performance. My aim is to offer the opportunity for the viewer to engage with silence as positive presence, rather than absence or lack, and with the feelings aroused by the experience of being silent with a stranger, to highlight the viewer's active involvement in the act of performance and question the nature of 'audience'. The focus is drawn to the space between the two individuals participating in the performance – the space where some more direct form of communication might be expected, and what exists in that space when it is left open. At the same time, the transaction conducted, and the return of a CD in exchange for the viewer's participation, suggest that silence – often seen as an absence, a blank – has intrinsic value, as a good that can be given as a gift or exchanged. In the performance itself, I am interested in the experience for the viewer and any reaction they might have to this open space (although the aim is for them to remain silent, they may respond with nervous laughter, or refuse to be silent). In examining the nature of silence, the piece also makes reference to the work of John Cage: I am interested to know whether differences in the 'quality' of the silences will be apparent when they are recorded – how far can an individual be recognised by their silence?

_____________________________________________________________________

I've always thought that the Taxi had potential for intimate one-to-one performances so I'm really pleased that Rachel has proposed adapting the piece for the context of the cab. It also feels timely and fitting at this point and I'm now planning a transition event - definitely NOT a closing or a celebration of something that's over ... but an event during which the Taxi will be removed from its concrete slab plinths, the sign will be taken down and conversations will continue on its potential onward role in the neighbourhood.

Jim and I met again to work on article for Red Pepper and also about his idea to photograph what he calls Abbey Places and People - and I've been thinking about landmarks - about the Taxi having become a distinctive landmark in the area - I'm thinking about photographs in the windows of the Taxi that will map its connection to other landmarks in the area - when you start to think about it - there's a huge range of obvious but also distinctive ones - Marshall's Airport, Leper Chapel, Football Ground, fishing Lake, BMX track, the undiscovered orchard, the common land, the nature reserve, pumping station.... but Jim is also interested in the slightly more quirky like the burnt out speed camera and the "private parking space" sign scrawled on an old cardboard box on Newmarket Rd - very much like TNWK's monuments.... photographs in the windows - vinyl semi transparent possibly would also provide a little privacy for anyone using/visiting it. Jim suggested a strip rather then filling the whole window - its a good idea ...

Went to the Scout Aid variety show last night - a fundraiser for the new Scout Hut following on from the success of the campaign against the Council's plans to build on the Scout Hut field and rescind its lease. It was a hastily put together affair and not exactly the most riveting couple of hours of my life but all invested with such seriousness and care and obvious delight by the kids and their families ... I was glad I went. Cliff Knight (Headmaster of primary school) was doing the compering and he did a nice thing which was to get a member of each of the groups taking part - cubs, beavers, scouts, kidzcast, Abbey Community Theatre to talk about their group, when they meet, where, how to join etc ... Joyce Abrams was in the audience (Townswomen's Guild) and lent over and suggested the Taxi could be used by each group operating in the community to advertise what they do, what they are about etc - she was reeling off ... needlework group, carpet bowls, yoga, luncheon club ...

these ideas begin to merge into the Taxi becoming some kind of index to the activities, geographies, histories of its immediate neighbourhood - enabling a visitor to "travel" around its possibilities ...

Very supportive comments from everyone at the Abbey Action Awayday meeting today with all concerned keen to see it continue ... they all thought the idea of it being a sheltered noticeboard, community info point which could be OPEN all the time and include leaflets etc as having real potential - especially as there are no noticeboards in this bit of the ward. The community worker - Keith and Tom the Youth worker also suggested it as a "youth shelter" - I'd not heard that term before but apparently there are attempts to provide sheltered places for young people to gather but they are basically metal bus shelters and not very comfy or welcoming. The post office are planning to close the local branch which would be a big loss to the neighbourhood and there's a petition being set up - so I've agreed to host a petition point in the Taxi - people have already started signing it .... and finally local councillor John Durrant made a point of saying to me that he really values the efforts I've gone to to network and profile Taxi Gallery to the city as a whole as it's meant that the Abbey ward has been seen as a place where positive things happen too and not always the relentless news about its social deprivation and problems ... He also asked me to consider proposing a community art project ....

Spent most of this morning taking down the Change of Direction exhibition, washing, waxing - trying to solve the leak from the skylight. Two lads - Michael and Lee - were wanting to help me and hang out listening to their music, they were very excited about the idea that the Taxi could be a "den" for them to use and were keen to decide on rules. We spent some time discussing what rules would be necessary and why. They decided on:

If the CD player gets nicked the Taxi will go

No Smoking

No illegal drugs

Shut the door when you leave

Don't play music loudly

Their enthusiasm and interest was great but it was also quite demanding having them around - they started fighting each other and I had to intervene and finally when a major fight broke out for the second time I had to send them off. Shortly after they left two girls and lad came by who were quite abusive - they were showing off really - trying to shock and provoke a reaction - suggesting that they were going to let the tyres down, knocking on the door and running away, calling Max (my son) a geek ... being a pain generally ... I could see Alf across the road hovering by his window and watching what was happening with a bit of concern. I really can't be having this kind of thing happening on a regular basis in my everyday and it wouldn't be fair to my neighbours ... I'm not a skilled youth worker and the Taxi isn't really suitable as a youth shelter - its too near houses and is a health and safety nightmare ... but the idea of youth shelters really interests me ... I've done a little research on the net and they seem to be stock item of street furniture manufacturers (quite expensive) and looking like a cross between a pagoda and a bus shelter ... and there have been a couple of projects where artists/architects have worked with local young people to design a youth shelter tailored to their needs and chosen location ... I'm linking this one up with John Durrant's suggestion of an art project in the area and maybe beginning by having a series of conversations with a range of people including the young people who want to use the Taxi as a Youth Shelter to see if we can make a Youth Shelter project happen in the Abbey area - maybe several - three different artists/approaches resulting in three different shelters on each of the key estates ...

On the basis of all these conversations, experiences and the suggestions contributed over the last month or so I've finally reached a proposal that I'm happy with and am starting to publicise in anticipation of the Closing Event for Taxi as Gallery on Nov 12th - as follows:

WHAT NEXT FOR THE TAXI ?
I am suggesting that the Taxi becomes the ABBEY TAXI - a neighbourhood landmark, noticeboard, information centre on local groups and activities - a shelter for information, conversation and exchange.
This new phase will begin with a photographic frieze of Abbey landmarks and places (past and present) which will run around the windows - except for one which will be reserved for community notices. The idea is that the Taxi will act as a map or guide to all the other distinctive places in this often undervalued part of Cambridge. Local writer, Jim Jepps (Howard Rd) has been exploring and photographing the Abbey area and I will be working with him on preparing this display – we are hoping to include some images of Abbey places that have now disappeared or changed so if you have any photographs you think might be interesting to include – please do get in touch!
I shall also be collecting information and leaflets on all the activities, groups and resources in the area to be housed in the Taxi, which will be open at variable times during the day and by request. So if you’re involved in a local group, or are putting on an event that you’d like to advertise - please call by or ring me on 576017 or email kirstenlavers@ntlworld.com
Many of the responses and suggestions came from young people who want to use the Taxi as place to, as they say, “chill out” and whilst I acknowledge the lack of facilities for young people locally – I feel it is inappropriate to turn the Taxi into a free-for-all youth club/den. My primary concern is that the Taxi remains an enjoyable, safe and useful place for everyone including my neighbours. I will however be talking with local young people, youth workers, councillors etc about this issue over the coming months to see if other possibilities can be created / invented / imagined.
The Taxi will also take part in visually celebrating festivals such as Halloween, Christmas, Easter etc as everyone seems to have enjoyed these displays.

Received this email from Linda Hobson who is moving jobs but has been the Housing Officer responsible for this area, she initially (somewhat apprehensively!) gave me permission to start Taxi Gallery - so very encouraging to get this message of support from her:

I would like to take this oportunity thank you for your work in the Abbey
community. The world would be a duller place without facitilites such as
yours.
Good luck
Linda H

A couple of artist friends have asked me recently whether I'm sad that the Taxi is ending. Their question has surprised me because for me it isn't ending, in many ways I feel its just beginning, that the last three years has been a kind of extended introduction/handshake (see post of 10 Sept) making possible the 'conversation' that is about to begin now. But then I realise that for them it does feel that Taxi Gallery is ending. That despite my best efforts, the split between the artists/arts audience and the 'local'/non-art audience has remained relatively undented by Taxi Gallery. This new phase is a shift in focus - I'm shifting my energies away from creating space for artists to respond to the Taxi and focussing on building upon the support, connections and interests that have been generated by its presence within the neighbourhood. It saddens me that artists see this as an ending ... that an activity explicitly about generating dialogue and exchange between the disparate communities that are a neighbourhood is not "art" and therefore not of interest to them. I'm very clear I'm not excluding "art" - but I am wanting to move away from the label "artist-curator" - the person who makes art or chooses, works with and cares for artists - to one that has more in common with a caretaker - taking care of and enabling access to a resource/facility used by multiple participants for various reasons and activities and these might include artists making art.

I can’t remember when I started to sign off my emails with “take care” but it’s been a while – its stuck, I like it, I rarely choose to alter it with something more anodyne, formal or intimate. It combines a genuinely felt expression of concern with a slightly didactic/patronising instruction (or warning) to pay attention. This mix, not necessarily one I'm always proud of, seems to encapsulate the way that I work and the work that I make.

I used to be a nurse – for ten years when asked what I “do” my reply was “I’m a nurse” – changing that reply to “I’m an artist” took quite some thought, hesitation and practice. Just recently I’ve been questioning whether this title is still a comfortable fit I’ve become aware that other people have decided to call me a curator – this is not a title I’ve sought or claimed but is one I feel lumbered with. It seems I’m allowed be an artist, but have to take on this extra baggage of being a curator too. When asked what I do in “my own work” I am met with a puzzled expressions when I say this is my own work. Somehow creating space for others to be creative is not in and of itself sufficiently creative (or is just too complicated in terms of ascribable authorship) to be considered plausibly the work of an artist?.

I’m uncomfortable with this split position – with the suggestion that aspects of what I do are somehow not compatible with other things. I’m no longer happy to describe myself in a partial manner, that speaks to certain parts of my day, of my everyday, of my work or my life and not to others. I am of course also a woman, a lover, a friend, a neighbour, a colleague …

The origin of the term curator – as being one who “ takes care” (of the collection) – seems to offer a way forward that might speak to all that I do and hope to aspire to in my life - activities. I'm seriously thinking around dispensing with both labels - ARTIST and CURATOR (with the authorial control that they imply) in favour of CARE-TAKER - a deliberate hypen that emphasises the process of taking care and that this can apply as much to an activity of mark making, writing, cooking as it can to a conversation, the organisation of an exhibition or the making of an art work.

The honest but contradictory mix of selfless concern and patronising instruction that I recognise in my email signature is mirrored in the complex relationship to power inherent within in the traditional stereotypes of the caretaker, a person employed to take care of a building – school, community centre, church, usually living literally “on the job” is a low status service industry role, that includes special privileges and holds certain powers and knowledges, jealously guarded and often tricky to negotiate.

The caretaking role is not a simple one of unquestioning servitude - caretakers notoriously wield extraordinary power to facilitate or obstruct access and hold detailed and intimate knowledges of the organisation that they take care of. The first rule of any kind of site-specific, theatre, art or community education project after getting pernmission from those more obviously in charge is “make friends with the caretaker” – although he or she may not be in position of obvious power they can be enormously influential to the successful progress of your project. Caretakers literally enable access, they also “know” the place more fully that any other person involved in its remit, they know it when its empty, early in the morning, late at night, they "know" all the people and groups who use it and why, they know its sounds and its silences, the texture of activities and moods over the course of the day, they know it from the contents of rubbish bins, and the footprints on the floors.

By starting to call myself a 'care-taker' I am not only declaring my intention to offer "care" but also reminding myself to "take care", that I am not simply selflessly serving, I am also (and am perceived to be) in a position of power and control in relation to my work, Taxi Gallery - or Abbey Taxi in particular.

Had an email from the Cambridge Fire Safety Officer - she's interested in using the Taxi as a venue for a community awareness event in the New Year ...

Came across this use of a Taxi http://ww3.ultralab.net/Members/vfare as part of the everyday object V&A and Channel 4 project - not sure whether to feel praised or annoyed - the idea is "so close" to Taxi Gallery and particularly its origins with the Milennium Collection tour .... its uncanny ...

Still too soon for me to reflect properly on the Closing Event last Saturday but wanting to just record a few memories before they slip ...

Everyone expecting me to be sad - but I felt happy and excited ... responding to it as an end whereas I see it as a beginning.

Jim really took on presenting the display of proposed images for the Abbey Taxi - it was great to feel able to just let him get on with it - to start this process of relinquishing control.

Lots of visitors especially towards the end of the afternoon - again as ever predominantly the arts audience - the only neighbour to come being Tony - the first time he'd ever come to an event so I really appreciated the gesture of support - he'd obviously read my invitation and proposal in detail and was keen to talk about the Youth Shelter idea - sharing his experience of setting up the first ever Youth Club in Cambridge during the war when he was 16 years old .... paste sandwiches, table tennis and variety shows ... He asked me how I felt about the fact that none of my other neighbours came and encouraged me to carry on regardless "You just have to keep doing it"

Taking down the sign was a great moment - bringing it into the Scout Hut - gathering all the artists who were there around it ... cameras flashing ... should have made a speech but felt too overwhelmed ... maybe I'll write one retrospectively ...

the next morning ... Peg knocking on my door to say how pleased she is that the Taxi is staying ... but that she daren't tell Marge who would like it to go ... and Michael and Lee finding a bucket and wanting to start a collection to "save the taxi" !

printing out now the final documentation for the Taxi Gallery album, tied up the loose ends on the website the other day - wondering where does this log book go now - should I shift to a blog? another website ? is there still a place for a translocal engagement with the ongoing progress of the Abbey Taxi ? will anyone who doesn't live here be interested? Throughout Taxi Gallery I have felt as if I've been communicating with two audiences - both happy to communicate with me but reluctant to engage with each other - I've felt at home with both, I'd hoped to bring the two closer, to activate conversations between, to comfortable inhabit a territory of difference - in this I seem to have failed - the arts audience were performing a wake and the neighbourhood audience were celebrating/applauding a new life.

this thought from Descombes found in Marc Augé's 'non-places - introduction to an anthropology of supermodernity' chimes for me - speaking to my practice as a search for 'home' - do I retreat to that 'home' which is here or continue to activate the "marchland" of disturbed rhetorical communication ...

"Where is the character at home? The question bears less on geographical territory than a rhetorical territory (rhetorical in the classical sense, as defined by the rhetorical acts: plea, accusation, eulogy, censure, recommendation, warning and so on). The character is at home when he is at ease in the rhetoric of the people with whom he shares his life. The sign of being at home is the ability to make oneself understood without too much difficulty and to follow the reasonings of others without any need for long explanations. The rhetorical country of a character ends where his interlocutors no longer understand the reasons he gives for his deeds and actions, the criticisms he makes or the enthusiasms he displays. A disturbance of rhetorical communication marks the crossing of a frontier, which should of course be envisaged as a border zone, a marchland, rather than a clearly drawn line."

Vincent Descombes, Proust, Philosophie du Roman

a sense of that disturbed territory was perhaps why I felt unable to make a speech?

Since my last entries - the sadness I refused to acknowledge then has all but overwhelmed me - literally unsettling and disturbing my own understanding of what I am doing, hoping for, with the Taxi from now on. It has been an enormous project, the last year particularly being a roller coaster of high upon high - some kind of post performance anti-climax is inevitable. But this distress and uncertainty feels more than this. The lack of closure, the lack of a clean ending is confused, I'm unsure whether this is an interesting next step or simply my inability to let go? I have prevaricated and swayed and agonised over the "ending" of Taxi Gallery and continue to do so. This is a very difficult space right now - a waiting space. The days are wet and cold and short. The Taxi is a forlorn albatross in the front garden in a kind of limbo - unclear about its function - empty and waiting - present and yet absent of function and role. It was an artspace and now its a nothing space - it is just a Taxi waiting for the next passenger and the next journey.